When the inmates are left in charge

With Bernice, our intrepid New York correspondent, stranded somewhere beyond the borders of Manhattan – let us hope that she isn't naked like another member of this blog because if she is, the power outage should be the least of New Yorkers' worries – it falls to me to lead the charge today. There are so many possibilities.

Should I add a recipe to the growing collection? Hmm, perhaps not since I doubt many people would be interested in my speciality - paté de Spam with pond growth garnish.

I know. An erudite discussion of some facet of gay culture. No, it's too hot for that and besides, that's what Brian *tries* to do.

How about a poem?

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who . . .

Now, how does that go? OK, guess not.

Why don't I tell you about my day at work. Then again, it's too early in the evening to put people to sleep.

I could always dip into the pool of naked men. No, wait, I don't think that came out the way I meant it.

However, since Bernice is so easily embarrassed by the mere thought of male nudity . . . No, that's not right. She said she was "easily aroused by". Anyway, it's probably not a good idea to risk arousing Bernice. Frankly it's not even a good idea to think about her being aroused. But then again, one can live dangerously on occasion

Well, I'll be damned. There really aren't that many possibilities after all. What's a gay moose to do? Why the hell didn't she give me a warning? I could have planned. I could have watched a movie – other than "Ass Pirates of the Caribbean" that is – and written a sparkling review. I could have come off as a winner. I could have been a champion. A Pulitzer. Top of the world, Ma.

Lord, its happened. I've crossed the line between sanity and the netherworld where Bernice's mind dwells. Nurse Betty, help me. I'm scared. Maybe the Duchess can pay for my treatments.

Wait. There is someone here with me. And I hear singing. A voice that's an odd mix of Marlene Dietrich and Kiri Te Kanawa. I didn't think that was possible, and yet that's what I hear. It's coming closer. I can't make out any of the words, other than "black."

OMIGOD. She's naked! She's naked!